A Day in the Life
by TwiLyght Sans Sparkles
Summary: President Snow is a horrible human being. What would a day in his life look like? Moreover, what would his LAST day look like? Someone in District Twelve knows the answer...


_If any of you have read my Harry Potter fics, you already know what to expect from this one. However, as this is my first THG fic, I must admit that I don't know what people like in this fandom, so if you are not fans of somewhat morbid crackfics, please take the opportunity to run away now. _

_This fic contains an alternate ending to the entire series, and one of the many fitting ends I have envisioned for President Snow. He struck me as the kind of man who was not only evil, but also just plain petty. So here is my take on what a day in his life might look like. _

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><p><strong>A Day in the Life of President Snow <strong>

5:00 AM: Wake to the dulcet sound of a girl from District Two singing. Press snooze by punching her in the stomach.

5:15 AM: Wake to the same singing. Press snooze again.

5:30 AM: Wake to the sound of the same girl weeping and singing at the same time. Crawl out of bed; have attendants collect her tears.

6:00 AM: Leave presidential palace sharply dressed as ever.

6:45 AM: Arrive at Seneca Crane's home, only to learn he is in the bathtub. Enter anyway.

6:48 AM: Make hearty breakfast from things in Gamemaker Crane's kitchen—eggs, ham, toast, orange juice. Realize he has a very nice toaster.

7:00 AM: Finish hearty breakfast. Unplug very nice toaster and carry it down the hall.

7:01 AM: Barge into Crane's bathroom. Ignore his screaming and plug in toaster.

7:02 AM: Drop toaster into bathtub, silencing the soft-hearted Gamemaker's screams once and for all.

7:05 AM: Leave Crane residence without doing breakfast dishes.

7:20 AM: Board train bound for District Twelve. See that door attendant has stupid dog. Kick door attendant in groin.

7:20-8:59 AM: Sit in presidential compartment pondering how very much I hate Katniss Everdeen.

9:00 AM: Get interrupted by attendant with the stupid dog; listen to his announcement that we will be arriving in twenty minutes.

9:01 AM: Have attendant's dog killed for his master's impudence at interrupting my thoughts.

9:15 AM: Drink a protein-rich glass of stupid dog blood. Watch attendant vomit when I offer him some. Wrinkle nose.

9:20 AM: Disembark in District Twelve's grubby station, carefully avoiding vomit.

9:40 AM: Arrive at Everdeen residence. Enjoy Mrs. Everdeen's look of shock when I show my face.

9:40-9:50 AM: Peruse Miss Everdeen's collection of literature.

9:51 AM: Hear Miss Everdeen enter. Savor her look of shock when I turn my smoldering eyes upon her.

9:52-10:10 AM: Threaten Miss Everdeen.

10:11 AM: Leave Everdeen residence.

10:12 AM: Urinate in Miss Everdeen's rosebushes.

10:22 AM: Get accosted by girl begging on the side of the street. Throw dirt in her tin cup; spit in it for good measure.

10:23 AM: Realize I enjoy the sound of her weeping even more than I enjoy that of my current alarm clock. Offer girl a position as my new alarm clock.

10:24 AM: Give girl more dirt when she says she'll think about it. Smile this time.

10:30 AM: See ugly cat twitch its tail at me. Drive boot into ugly cat's ribs.

10:34 AM: Arrive at train station. Grow irritated when I realize next train is not due for another twenty-six minutes.

10:35 AM: Roll eyes when personal bodyguard looks at his phone.

10:36 AM: Feel interest revive when bodyguard mentions a new historical artifact has been uncovered. Tell him I will have him flogged if it is another copy of _Twilight. _

10:37 AM: Hear bodyguard chuckle. Listen with renewed interest as he explains that it is a recording from legendary auditory torturer Rebecca Black.

10:38 AM: Ask bodyguard if it is "Friday."

10:39 AM: Hear bodyguard confirm that it is, indeed, the song that caused Old Earth's downfall.

10:40-10:44 AM: Grin evilly.

11:00 AM: Board train.

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><p><strong>A Day in the Life of Buttercup <strong>

9:30 AM: Return from hunting in woods to find Catnip has done the same.

9:31 AM: Meow loudly, wondering if Catnip has managed to find any of the plant she was named for.

9:32 AM: Learn that she has not.

9:33 AM: Purr loudly as Catnip scratches my head. Purr louder when she calls me an "ugly little thing." She says the sweetest things.

9:40 AM: Watch Catnip leave the house.

9:41 AM: Decide to take a walk around District Twelve.

9:50 AM: Find rat. Catch and eat it.

10:00 AM: Find previously unknown substance. Bat it around with paws.

10:25 AM: See beggar girl crying beside street. Rub up against her, purring loudly.

10:26 AM: Hear girl tearfully pour out story about President Snow giving her dirt. Realize this is the same President Snow Catnip and Primrose fear.

10:27 AM: Hear girl call me the best kitty in the world. Decide this girl is smarter than she looks. Depart from girl with one last prrrrrrrROW.

10:29 AM: See President Snow walking down street; twitch tail.

10:30 AM: Get kicked in the ribs by President Snow.

10:31-10:34 AM: Recover from blow; follow President Snow to train station.

10:36 AM: Locate President Snow's compartment.

10:37 AM: Board train. Hide in overhead compartment.

11:00 AM: Twitch tail as President Snow boards train.

11:00 AM-12:00 PM: Wait patiently until President Snow settles in for a nap.

12:01 PM: Land on Snow's headrest without making a sound.

12:02 PM: Hang head over Snow's face so my eyes are level with his.

12:03-12:04 PM: Purr.

12:05 AM: Snow startles awake. Silence his scream with a paw over his lips.

12:05-12:15 PM: Relieve President of his internal organs.

12:16 PM: Make comfortable bed out of President's internal organs. Sit on them, purring and cleaning paws.

12:20 PM: Train stops. Attendant with a District Two look about him takes one look at the compartment before stumbling back, swearing.

12:21 PM: Attendant comes forward, palm out for me to sniff. "Good kitty," he says.

12:22 PM: Sniff attendant's hand. Sense no deception.

12:23 PM: Allow attendant to scratch my ears, purring loudly as he repeats "Good kitty! _Good kitty!_"

12:30-well past midnight: Recline on sedan chair as grateful citizens of District Two parade me through the streets.


End file.
